Nowhere To Go But Up
by Queen of Kaos
Summary: Sequel to Rock Bottom. Five years after high school, the Fantastic Four are reunited once again. Will they all get their happilyeverafters? Or has life, and time, changed them too much?
1. Preparing for Marissa

_A/N: I don't usually say this, since I figure you already know, but since I'm only using characters created by Josh Schwartz in this story, I better let you know that they're not mine. As per usual, my broke ass can't afford them. Oh, accept Jada, who is a fictionalized version of my goddaughter, (no lie) Summer. I don't really own her, either, though. So all I have to my name is a freezer full of Hot Pockets and this little tale of love and healing. Enjoy!_

"Cohen, what are you doing?" Summer Roberts asked, barreling through the house she shared with her boyfriend, Seth Cohen.

"Um," Seth turned from his spot at the mini-bar in the screening room of the auspicious mansion they had purchased with the proceeds of his hugely popular comic ventures. "I thought I was watching _The Valley_ that you TiVo'd last night, but judging from the look on your face, I am very, very wrong," he said, setting his beer on the table beside him and pausing the action on the screen.

"You are drinking a beer," she spat, her hands on her hips as she stood in front of the screen.

"Yes, I am. Because that is what I do when I have a blessed day off in my insane schedule," Seth nodded, taking another swig from the bottle.

Summer grabbed the beer from his hand and shook her head. "No. Uh-uh. Marissa is coming tonight and we are not going to have alcohol in this house when she gets here. It's not fair," she insisted.

Sighing, Seth switched the television off and leaned back in his chair. There was no way he was going to win this one. "So just because your best friend couldn't keep herself clean for the last five years, I have to suffer? In my own home?" he asked, standing to follow her out of the room. "The pink flowered duvet cover isn't enough punishment, Summer?"

When they had decided to move in together after Summer's college graduation, he had agreed that she could decorate any way she wanted. He had been happy to live in the brand new home for the first two months with two bean bag chairs, the big screen television, and a sleeping bag in the living room. In his opinion, all he needed was a place for him to hang out with Ryan when he wasn't working – some Playstation and dvd's were plenty. Summer disagreed, and had hired her father's interior designer to spend more of his money than he knew he had. And most of the time, he didn't even care. If it made his girl happy, it made him happy. But when she had done their bedroom in pink and brown, he had been a little more than squeamish.

She ignored him while she made her way to the kitchen and dumped the beer down the drain. "Seth, we always hide the alcohol when you're mom comes over. Why can't we do the same thing for my friend?"

Seth leaned against the refrigerator, his arms crossed as he watched her putter around, trying to scrub non-existent spots from every tiled surface. "You're really freaked about this, aren't you?" She rolled her eyes and went to the dishwasher, unloading the few dishes that were waiting to be washed. "Summer, everything is gonna be fine. The house is fine, and it is cleaner than it has been since we moved in. We have matching furniture and incredibly expensive dishes," he nodded to the china in her hand, "which is still dirty, by the way."

Sighing, Summer put the plates back into the dishwasher and then turned, her shoulders sagging. "Seth, what if it doesn't work out?"

"Sweetheart, she's been in rehab for, like, four months. She's good, you said she's healthy and great. Everything's gonna be beautiful," he promised, moving toward her with his arms outstretched."

"I'm not talking about her health, jack ass. I'm talking about her and Ryan."

Seth let go of her shoulders and went back to the refrigerator, extracted a pudding cup, and shut the door again with his foot. "This is just about four friends hangin' out together again, right? You're not planning anything romantic or whatever, are you?"

She shot a sincere, hard look at him. "What am I? Crazy? Why was she in rehab in the first place? Because of Ryan."

Before he could respond, there was a knock on the front door. "I got it," Seth winked, kissing her forehead and heading toward the front door. Things were going to be fine. Everything was going to work out. Maybe it wouldn't be like old times, but it would be good. And if he repeated it over and over until he got to the front door, maybe he would believe it.

Summer leaned her weight against the counter. If this didn't work, if Ryan was uncomfortable or Marissa couldn't handle it, things were about to get very ugly at the Cohen house.


	2. We Used To Be Friends

Even her reflection through the textured glass was perfect. It had been a long time since Seth had seen Marissa, but he had forgotten just how flawless she really was. On the outside, anyway. He pulled the heavy door open and smiled at her. "Hey, Marissa," he said.

She grinned slightly, waved nervously, and then spoke softly. "Hi, Seth."

It was an awkward moment, one that left Seth wishing he had let his girlfriend answer the door. But he quickly stepped aside and motioned to the interior of the house. "Come in. Please," he offered.

Marissa clutched a shoulder bag and three suitcases as she stepped over the threshold, wide eyes taking in the massiveness of her surroundings. "Seth, this is," she stopped, searching for a word that would do it justice.

"Pretentious? Ostentatious? Obscene?" he offered.

That was the Seth Cohen she remembered. Turning to face him, Marissa smiled widely and shook her head. "I was going to say amazing," she assured him.

Seth's shoulders relaxed as he moved toward her, his hands in his pockets. "It is pretty awesome. Ryan does really good work," he nodded, his eyes sweeping over the different arcs and angles of the room.

"He built it?" Marissa asked.

Seth shook his head. "Designed it. One of Newport Group's contractors built it for us," he answered, knowing that the conversation was about to die. He looked around, relief flooding him when he saw Summer bounding through the doorway from the kitchen.

"COOP!" she shouted, running for her friend and grabbing her in a bear hug. "You look great," she added.

"Thanks. The house is incredible, Sum," Marissa added nervously, though she knew there was no reason to be nervous at all. This was her best friend in the whole world, the one who hadn't hesitated to invite her in when she was released from her drug rehab program and needed a home. This was Summer.

"Did you have any trouble finding it?" Summer asked as Seth moved off toward the kitchen. "Cohen!"

He stopped, but didn't turn. "What is it, Dear?"

"Don't you think you should offer to take Marissa's stuff up to the guest room?"

Seth nodded. "Okay. But see, I have this back issue, and you know how much I love to help, but I'm afraid that if I lift anything too heavy that I might, I mean, there's a possibility that I could. . ."

"COHEN!" Summer's voice raised and he turned, a defiant look on his face. "Please?" she asked, her bottom lip pouting out.

"See," he explained to their guest, "Living with Summer teaches one a thing or two about compromise. I nod and tell her that I will be happy to do that in a minute."

"And then he waits for Ryan to show up and do it for him," Summer finished the explanation. "It's a good thing he's always around to save your ass, Cohen. God only knows where you'd be without him."

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Summer regretted them. Marissa's face was stoic, but Summer had a feeling that she had felt the weight of that statement herself. _It's gonna be a long ass weekend_, Summer thought to herself as Seth disappeared into the kitchen and Marissa looked around, as thought trying to appear unaffected.

"So, when is Ryan getting here?" she asked.

Summer moved toward the stairs, avoiding a look into the probing eyes of her best friend. "Um, he had classes until four, and then he was gonna stop by Sandy and Kirsten's to check on Jada, so he'll probably be here in a little bit," she explained.

"Does Kirsten watch her a lot?" Marissa and Ryan had talked about his daughter on his one and only trip to visit her in rehab. But she still felt like there was so much she didn't know about the man she couldn't quite let go of.

Summer turned. This wasn't the conversation she wanted to be having. She and Marissa were supposed to reminisce about high school and catch up on the world of high fashion, not talk about Ryan. If she was going to talk to anyone about Ryan, it was supposed to be the man himself. Summer wasn't sure how to explain that she felt uncomfortable talking to her supposed-best friend about the past love of her life. Especially when that past love was one of her current nearest and dearest. The dynamic had shifted and she wasn't sure how to handle it. "Since she retired, she's been watching her four days a week. I usually take her on Fridays, since that's Guys' Night. She's been helping me with the clothing line," Summer smiled at the mere thought of Jada Atwood.

"Clothing line?" Marissa asked. She may have been done with the modeling, but fashion still piqued her interests. Probably always would.

"Oh, yeah. I was totally gonna tell you all about it later," Summer lied, forgetting that she hadn't told Marissa in the first place. She thought everyone knew. "Seth asked me to design a couple of collections based on Little Miss Vixen and Cosmo Girl. And then I'm doing a kid's line, too," she beamed.

"Wow, Sum," Marissa shook her head. "I'd love to see your sketches."

Nodding toward the stairs, Summer waved an arm. "Let's go then. Seth and I have a huge studio on the third floor. You'll love it," she smiled, leading the way.

Seth watched from the kitchen doorway as the girls made their way up the stairs. Marissa didn't seem like the girl he remembered, but she also didn't seem twitchy or crazy, either. Maybe this thing would work out after all.

"Hey!" Ryan called as he let himself in through the garage of the house he knew as well as his own. "You're home," he said, seemingly a little surprised that Seth was standing in his own kitchen.

"Dude," Seth turned and offered his friend a hand. "You got here just in time."

"Marissa here?" Ryan asked, his heart dropping to his stomach. Though he had promised to keep in touch after his visit to her treatment facility months ago, Ryan found it impossible to get in the car or pick up the phone and make good on the vow. Seeing Marissa had thrown his world into the same kind of chaotic upheaval it always had in high school, and he had responsibilities now. He couldn't ditch Jada, and rent payments, and school, and his job just because Marissa Cooper still gave him butterflies. It had seemed best to just avoid. Until Summer let him know that she was being released, and would be staying at Cohen Manor for awhile.

"Nowhere to run," Seth lead the way to the living room. "It's about to be as comfortable as a good, old fashioned Cohen family dinner, buddy. Remember those? When my grandfather would come over and my mom would try to eat through her clenched jaw? Those were fun. I miss the old days, Ryan," he said with a hint of sad nostalgia in his voice.

"Yeah?" Ryan asked, looking around the foyer of the house. "I miss the days when your dad was around to help me carry luggage to the guest room," he rolled his eyes as Seth watched him lift two of Marissa's bags. "So, where are they?"

Seth nodded for the stairs. "Summer's showing her the Little Miss Vixen line. Hey, are we still gonna go to Bright Eyes tomorrow night or what?"

The change in subject would be normally confusing, but it didn't phase Ryan one bit. Not coming from Seth. "Why wouldn't we?"

"I don't know. Because you're beautiful ex-girlfriend is fresh out of rehab and here to see you?" Seth asked, a smirk on his lips.

Ryan rolled his eyes and headed for the stairs. "Nothin's gonna happen, Seth."

He disappeared onto the second floor, his knuckles white from the death grip he had on her luggage, which still smelled like her somehow. Nothing could happen. He and Marissa were two separate people, not a matched set. Nothing was as it used to be, and they couldn't go back and fix that. He had the only girl he needed, and that was more than enough for him.


	3. Not Close To Over It

Empty plates and glasses littered the table as the four friends sat around the back deck, watching the sun set and remembering old times. "Okay, so I got one," Seth announced, tossing his napkin into his plate, his left arm draped over the back of Summer's chair. "Tijuana."

Summer's arm shot out, connecting with her boyfriend's stomach. "Cohen," she gritted.

But Marissa drank from her water glass and shook her head. "It's okay, Sum," she assured her friend, resting a hand on the table top. "It was a huge thing for all of us."

If that was what she wanted to believe, Summer would let her believe it.Even though it wasn't that big at all. Seth's comic launch had been huge. So had their high school graduation, andSummer's college graduation. Ryan's return to Newport and the housewarming party for the new abode, thosehad been huge. But Marissa had missed all of that. And Summer had to keep reminding herself that she had determined not to hold those things against her childhood best friend.

"That was the first time we all did something together, wasn't it?" Summer asked, looking over at Seth, who just nodded.

"Remember how grossed out Summer was by the hotel room?" Seth asked Ryan.

Ryan realized in that moment that he didn't want to be anywhere but in that seat, laughing with three of the people he loved more than anyone else in the world. He loved hearing Seth's stupid jokes and the way Summer told him to shut up and Marissa just laughed at both of them. He loved sitting this close to Marissa and not worrying about anything but making her smile. He missed that more than he thought he had.

"That room was foul," Summer protested, looking to Marissa for support. "Remember how totally gross the bathroom was?"

Rolling his eyes, Ryan leaned back in his chair. "And yet you had no problems with the hostels in Amsterdam, or the community bathrooms."

Marissa looked around the table as Seth, Summer, and Ryan all nodded together in agreement, and she wondered if she belonged there with them anymore. She had done everything possible to distance herself from this group, but knowing that they hadn't been sitting around, waiting for her to get back, filled her with a tangle of emotions that caused a nausea in the pit of her stomach.

"I feel I've grown as a person," Summer nodded toward Ryan, who just shook his head and swished the melting ice around the glass.

"You guys went to Amsterdam?" Marissa finally asked. She could either pout over the fact that they had a life without her, or she could accept that it was her own fault, and do what she came here to do, catch up with the only friends she had left.

"Seth wanted to go this big music festival, so we decided to tag along," Summer informed.

"Did you love it?" Marissa always loved Amsterdam, but usually had a hard time remembering what she had done there.

"It was cool," Seth nodded, looking over at Ryan. "Ryan had fun," he winked.

"Really?" Marissa asked, a hint of a smile playing on her lips.

Suddenly, he felt uncomfortable. Seth didn't need to tell Marissa about the time that they got high at a hash bar in Amsterdam or that Ryan took some random Italian supermodel back to the hotel. Nobody needed to tell Marissa that stuff. "I'm gonna get some more to drink," he announced, standing and making his way to the kitchen.

Leaning against the counter, he tried to collect his thoughts. For the entire night, the only thing running through his head had been Marissa. He had wanted to keep things friendly, but the longer he sat at her side, listening to her talk and laugh, the more he wanted to reach over and take her hand in his own, the more he wanted to scoot closer and brush her shoulder against his.

"You don't have to be so careful around me, ya know?" her voice sounded from the glass doorway.

"What?" Ryan asked, shocked out of his reverie by her wide smile.

Pushing off the doorframe, Marissa nodded toward the deck. "Out there," she said. "I just got the feeling that you were trying to censor yourself for me. And I wanted you to know that you don't have to," she repeated, leaning against the kitchen island while he poured himself some iced tea and tried to avoid eye contact.

"It's not," he started to speak and then stopped, confusion on his face when he met her eyes. "The thing is, Marissa, we've done a lot of stuff without you."

With a hard swallow, she nodded. He was right. She couldn't pretend like nothing had happened in her absence. "I know. I get that."

Ryan's eyebrow shot up. "Yeah?" At the slight nod of her head, he smiled. "I'm sorry," he said.

Without a second thought, she reached across the island and covered his hand with hers. They shared an intimate smile before Marissa drifted her gaze back to the couple on the deck. Seth and Summer were so immersed in one another that they didn't have any concern with their friends inside. "So, I was kind of hoping to meet Jada tonight."

Checking his watch he returned the iced tea pitcher to the refrigerator. "Sandy and Kirsten are gonna bring her by in a little bit. She's excited to meet you, too," he added.

"Yeah?" Marissa felt a familiar warmth flooding the pit of her stomach as the smile spread over her lips. "You been tellin' her all about me?"

He leaned against the sink, falling into a pattern of easy flirtation with her. "Might have showed her a few pictures," he admitted with a shrug.

Marissa felt as if she had returned to the only place she had ever felt truly, totally, and completely safe. They were lost in the world that existed deep beyond each other's blue eyes, content to wander without words. "You think she'll like me?" she asked finally.

"I think so. She pretty much likes everyone I like," he grinned knowingly.

She wanted to ask if that included her, but she didn't have to. If there was one thing she would never forget, no matter how much she drank or how many drugs she had done in her life, it was look in Ryan Atwood's eyes when he liked her. "We should probably get back out there," she finally whispered.

Ryan blinked himself out of the trance Marissa had put him in. How could she still do it? After the pep talks he had given himself, all of the times he had sworn he wasn't ready for her, or anyone else, in his life, she wasn't supposed to do this. She wasn't supposed to evoke these feelings in him anymore – he was supposed to be over it. But, as they stepped onto the deck together once again, he knew it wasn't true – he wasn't over Marissa Cooper by a long shot.

"Oh, so I was just about to come look for you guys," Seth said as Ryan and Marissa sank back into their seats around the table. "Thought you might have gotten lost or something." He got nothing but blank looks in response. "Nothing? Okay. So, we were kind of waiting for both of you to be here together because Summer and I have something to tell you."

Marissa and Ryan looked to each other and then to the couple before them. Seth started to speak, but Summer held up her left hand with a giggle. "We're getting married."


	4. Ryan's Women

"When did this happen?" Ryan asked as Marissa inspected the rock on Summer's finger. It was unusual for Seth to do anything without telling him first, and though he knew this was a personal thing, he was still finding it hard to wrap his head around the new information.

Seth shrugged his shoulders. "You know the other night? When I told you I was taking Summer out on the boat?" Ryan nodded. "We sailed out a little ways, and I waited until the sun set. It was all very romantic, Ryan. I think you would have been impressed," he verbally patted himself on the back.

Marissa huffed, and then shrank slightly at Ryan's look. "What? It's not like you're the most romantic guy on the planet," she pointed out. With a hand on her shoulder, she smirked. "Not like it was a bad thing. You're a "to the point" guy. I like that."

He smiled and was about to say something else when voices invaded the kitchen. "Anyone home?"

Sandy slid the glass door open and smiled over the gathering. "Hey, did we miss dinner?"

Ryan, Marissa, Seth, and Summer all stood, gathering their plates. "Yeah. But we got a whole freezer full of those flank steaks you like so much. Want me to throw one on for ya?" Seth asked his father, who just shook his head. "Alright, but it's your loss, man."

Sandy just rolled his eyes and shook Ryan's hand. "I got some boxes in the car. You guys wanna help me?" he asked as the group moved into the kitchen.

"Boxes of what?" Seth asked, popping the door of the dishwasher open. "We don't have enough uneccessary shit in this house already?"

"We have you, Sweetie," Summer grinned widely and kissed his chin before dropping her plate into the dishwasher.

"Yeah, okay. Crack on me, Summer, go ahead. I can always take the ring back," he threatened.

She rolled her eyes and smacked his gut. "Cohen, go help your dad," she ordered.

Marissa stood awkwardly as Seth started after his father. "You might wanna jump on that train, Ryan. You know how Seth is with the heavy lifting."

He grinned and nodded. "Yeah," he agreed, starting for the living room when a voice stopped him short.

"DADDY!" Ryan's daughter, Jada, took a running leap into his arms as Kirsten filed in slowly. Jada lifted a light pink bag in her little hands. "Look!" Her chocolate eyes grew wide as Ryan peered inside the package. "Kirsten bought me nail polish," she clapped her little hands.

Marissa knew there was a stupid grin plastered on her face, but watching Ryan nuzzle the small girl in his arms, kissing her cheek and her forehead and hugging her tightly as he rocked her gently made her feel giddy.

"Alright, Munchkin," he grunted, setting her back on the ground. He stooped to face-level and tapped on the bag she was still clutching. "I'm gonna go help Sandy and Seth unload the car and then we'll put it on, okay?"

She nodded as her daddy disappeared from the room. "Ryan's gonna put nail polish on her?" Marissa couldn't help but stare at the beautiful little girl with the brown skin and the Little Miss Vixen sundress twirling herself around in the middle of the floor. She was singing to herself.

Kirsten just laughed as she stepped around the island to hug Marissa. "You'd be surprised at the wealth of his hidden parental talents," she informed, embracing the young woman's shoulders. "It's good to have you back, Marissa," she whispered.

If Marissa had been able to choose her own mother, Kirsten Cohen would have been her selection. But fate had gone another way, and she assumed it was for the best. Especially when the Cohens took Ryan in. "It's good to be home," she answered.

"Summer, can I have a popsicle?" Jada asked.

Summer looked at the little girl before her and nearly melted. If her future children were anything like this one, she was ready to start having them immediately. "Um, maybe we should ask your dad, Sweetie. It's getting' pretty late," she said.

Jada seemed to consider throwing a fit, but then noticed a new person in the room. "Hi," she smiled as she tottered over to Marissa. "You're Marissa," she said matter-of-factly.

Marissa laughed and knelt to the floor. "Yes, I am. And you must be Jada."

Jada's black pigtails bobbed as she nodded her head. "My daddy has lots of pictures of you in his office," she said, turning her head to the side for a closer look at the woman she had seen in glossy form so many times before.

"He does?" Marissa smiled.

"Yeah. You're so, so pretty," she said, her big eyes growing in wonder. "I like you in the one on the beach," she said. "You are wearing this yellow dress and it has all these big flowers on it? It's the prettiest dress ever."

Marissa knew exactly the photo she was talking about, one from a Vogue magazine shoot she had done nearly two years prior. "Well, I think you're so, so pretty, too." She tried to focus on the girl, instead of the fact that Ryan had pictures of her in his office.

The little girl dropped her bag of nail polish and reached out to run her chubby fingers over Marissa's blonde locks. "My daddy says it's 'cause my mom was," she said distractedly.

With a nod, Marissa agreed. "She was."

The answer seemed to surprise Jada. "You knew my mom?"

"I did. She was a pretty cool lady." It wasn't a complete lie. Theresa _was_ pretty cool – she had helped Marissa out of a couple of tight spots, and she had never really taken Ryan away. Not if Marissa was honest – Ryan had made the decision to go to Chino when she got pregnant. She and her therapist, Alecia, had spent an entire week in rehab discussing Theresa, and she was actually starting to feel pretty good about the woman from her ex's past.

"Yeah," Jada agreed, letting go of Marissa's hair. "Are you gonna marry my dad?"

Before Marissa could catch a breath or a thought, Kirsten jumped in. "Jada, Sweetie, why don't we go get your Barbie out of the car. I think we left it."

"I don't need it," Jada waved the woman off and went back to looking at Marissa, as if waiting for an answer.

Fortunately, the boys came back. Marissa had never been so grateful for the Cohens in her entire life. "There's my favorite supermodel," Sandy announced, hugging Marissa, which helped to steady her against the shock of the previous moment.

"Hi, Sandy," she breathed into his shoulder. When he pulled away, she saw something that could only be described as deep understanding and acceptance. It was the first look of the sort that had really resonated with her since her arrival in Newport. And it forced tears to her eyes. "Excuse me," she said quietly, rushing from the room in search of some place to hide.

Ryan watched her go, and contemplated going after her, but the tug on his jeans drew his attention toward the floor, and the bouncing girl vying for his time. "Can we do the nail polish now, Daddy? Please?"

He nodded. He found he could rarely say "no" to this angel he had been given. At least she could keep his mind off Marissa for awhile. And that would definitely be a good thing.


	5. Touched by a Jada

After nearly twenty minutes in the bathroom, Marissa collected emotions she couldn't even identify and headed back toward the people who were probably wondering what the hell had happened to her. She could hear Summer and Kirsten discussing floral samples in what she could only assume was an office. A quick peek into the screening room told her that Sandy and Seth were playing some ninja video game. The only person she couldn't seem to find was Ryan.

"Alright," she heard his voice in the living room and stopped behind one of the large pillars there to watch him lift Jada onto a ottoman and take the bottle of transluscent nail polish out of her hand. "Fingers or toes?" he asked.

Jada bit her lip and put her finger to her chin for a moment. Marissa wished that she was in the kitchen, where she would have had a better look at Ryan's face, but if she knew him at all, he was grinning like a fool at his daughter's ponderous posture. "How 'bout both?" she answered finally.

Ryan glanced at his watch and then began to shake the polish bottle. "How about one tonight and one in the morning?"

Jada's bottom lip came out and she crossed her arms. "Dad!" she protested.

Marissa leaned her full weight against the pillar, being careful to stay out of Jada's eye line. She wanted to watch them together, to feel what a real parent-child bond should be, to experience it without interfering. And she was afraid that she might burst into tears at any moment, the way that he handled his daughter so gently, so honestly, so lovingly.

"Oh, so now you're gonna be Whiney Miss?" He screwed the lid back onto the polish and moved to sit on the couch. "Maybe we'll just do none. How's that?"

Jada laughed and uncrossed her arms. "You're so silly, Daddy." Ryan slid off the couch and onto his knees again. "Just the fingers."

Ryan withdrew the brush from the bottle and held Jada's tiny hand in his own. It wasn't as if he had a lot of experience with manicures or anything, but he had learned early on that if he was going to let Summer and Kirsten baby sit his daughter, she was going to "girlie." And, if he was honest, he wanted her to be. He didn't want her to grow up a tomboy, like so many girls who were raised by their fathers. He wanted her to have maternal influences in her life, and until he found someone to fill that role full time, he had to learn some of the basics.

"Dad?" Jada's voice broke his thoughts as he finished the third finger.

"What's up?" he asked, moving on to the next finger, watching the light polish graze her miniscule nail.

Jada's free hand reached out and stroked her dad's face, the way she always did when she was being serious. "Marissa's really pretty," she said.

Behind the pillar, Marissa blinked back tears. "Yeah, she is," Ryan answered, his voice sincere. She was wiping the ones she couldn't blink back.

"She's nice, too," Jada went on, her eyes wandering over her father's expression for some sign of agreement. "And she smells like Uncle Trey's house."

"Like cigarettes and dirty dishes?" Ryan asked, releasing her left hand and grasping her right while pitching a smile her direction.

Jada rolled her eyes. "Like the flowers in the backyard? On that tree? You know – the really pretty purple ones that we brought home last time?"

"Lilacs," Ryan reminded. She repeated it. "She does, you're right." Jada started to reach for his shoulder again. "Wet nails. You gotta wait," he chided.

She put her hand back in her lap and waited patiently while her dad finished the hand he was working on. A small tune was making it's way past her lips as she hummed to herself and watched Ryan carefully finish her fingernails. When he was done, he took both of her hands in his own and raised them to his lips, blowing gently on the drying polish. "Thanks, Daddy," she giggled.

Ryan winked and released her hands. "No touching. And you better go find Kirsten and thank her, too," he ordered.

Marissa watched as Jada climbed off the ottoman with her hands at her sides and then stood beside her father. "Up please," she said with determination. Ryan lifted the girl into his arms and cradled her in his lap. "I think you should ask her on a date," Jada finally spoke.

He laughed and shook his head. "Look at you. What are you? My little matchmaker now? Summer's never baby-sitting you again." But his voice was filled with no real irritation, just amusement as he kissed the top of her head and hugged her close to his body again.

"I'm being serious," Jada insisted, her voice muffled by the fabric of Ryan's tee shirt.

He sighed and Marissa realized she was holding her breath to see what he would say. "I know you are," he conceded. "But why would I wanna spend all my time with another woman? I mean, then I can't spend it with you, Baby," he tried to reason.

But Jada didn't want to hear reason as she climbed out of her father's lap and sat on the arm of the couch, defying him with her gaze to make her get down. "But daddy's can't marry their little girls," she said. "And I don't get a mommy if you don't get married."

Ryan nearly choked on his breath when she shrugged her shoulders as though it were completely obvious. "Hey," he gasped. "How did we go from a date to marriage?"

Screwing up all of her courage, Marissa decided to save him from further painful questions as she stepped around the pillar and moved toward the kitchen, as though she had been headed straight there all along. She stopped beside the couch and tried to throw a distracted look their way. "Oh, hey, you two."

Ryan smiled knowingly, but said nothing. Embarrassment kept his words in his throat, unsure of just how much she had heard. Fortunately, he didn't have time to blush. "Ryan," Sandy entered the living room. "Summer wants us to put the armoire together in the guest room, and Seth's not really feeling like helping," he explained.

Jada laughed and shook her little head. "Duh."

Ryan kissed her forehead and then looked at Marissa. "Hey, do you think you could do me a favor?"

She nodded and waved him off. "I'd love to," she assured as Ryan ran off after Sandy toward the guest room. Sinking to the couch where Jada was staring at her intently, she took a deep breath and prayed that the child wouldn't ask her anything too hard to answer. "So, Jada, what's on the agenda for tonight?"

Jada shrugged. "I don't know what that means," she said.

Marissa let herself laugh. The kid had her mother's honesty – that was refreshing, and also incredibly off-setting. "What do you want to do?" she rephrased.

Jumping off the couch, Jada reached for Marissa's hand and pulled. "Will you read me a story?" she asked. Marissa nodded. "They're in my playroom."

She had never really cared for kids – she didn't dislike them, she just hadn't been around a lot of them very much. But if this one was important to Ryan, then she would get to know her and love her just like everyone else in this family. And when Jada sank to the floor beside a large bookshelf and daintly started to select a story, Marissa had a feeling it wasn't going to be hard to love her.

XXXXX

When Marissa finished the bookand set it gently at her side, she caught a whiff of Jada's sweet, innocent smell and leaned her head against the wall. She could get used to this mixture of emotions that holding a beautiful little girl evoked. She felt, for the first time in years, like she was the strong one, like Jada needed her for protection. And she felt like there was nothing she wouldn't do to make sure this kid stayed safe. It was strange, because she barely knew Jada, but something inside of her wanted to watch the girl grow and learn and be astounded and amazed by everything around her. She wanted to spend more nights reading until she could hear Jada's soft snoring against her leg. She wanted to be a part of this.

"Marissa?" Jada's vulnerable voice was heavy with slumber.

"Yeah?" she whispered, her hand running over Jada's warm back.

"Are you sick?" she asked.

"What?"

Jada rolled onto her back and stared up at the woman beside her. "My daddy said you were in the hospital before."

That was the best Ryan could come up with? The hospital? Why would he tell a kid something like that? But she smiled as the truth hit – that's why Ryan was such a good dad. Because he was honest. He wasn't going to tell Jada anything that would scare or disturb her, but he wasn't going to hold the truth back, either.

Marissa cleared her throat. "Um, I was. I was in a hospital for grown ups," she tried to explain.

There was a fear in her eyes when Jada responded, "But you're okay now, right?" Marissa nodded. "Good," Jada said, her eyes drifting shut once more. "Can you tell my dad that? Because he worries your gonna die like my mommy did."

Her heart sank. Ryan still worried about her? "I will be sure to tell him that I'm gonna be fine," she smiled, letting her eyes close slowly as Jada's breathing evened out.

When Ryan finished helping Sandy, he set off in search of his daughter. It was later than he usually liked to get her home in the middle of the week, but he knew that taking her home would only result in another hour of questions about Marissa and when they were going to get married like Seth and Summer.

The soft glow from the playroom illuminated their location, and Ryan rested in the doorframe to watch the to figures in the back corner. Jada was sprawled across the floor pillows, her head resting in Marissa's lap. Marissa leaned against the wall, a protective arm across Jada's little body and her own head resting on her shoulder. He wished for a camera for a moment – he wasn't sure he'd ever seen anything so beautiful in his life.

_This is right_, a small voice sounded in the back of Ryan's head. He tried to ignore it, but it didn't stop_. It hasn't been right for a long time, like this._ Shaking his head, he ran a hand through his hair. That wasn't a thought he needed to be having. _You know this is what you've been waiting for – this feeling right here. _He shifted his weight. Everything in mind said that it was a bad idea, that inviting Marissa into their lives was only going to bring heartache for him and his daughter.

But his heart told him that there had never been anyone else that belonged here. _My girls_, he thought as he pushed out of the doorframe and made his way toward them. He stooped and touched Marissa's knee. "Hey," he whispered.

She stirred and then her eyes focused on his face. A small smile crept over her lips. "Hey," she answered, looking over at Jada. "I guess we've both had a long day," she chuckled in a whisper.

"Sandy and Kirsten left. Seth and Summer went to bed." Ryan gave her a reassuring grin and then lifted Jada into his arms. "I should get her home."

After another moment of trying to gather her balance, Marissa braced her arm against the wall and stood, following him toward the door. "Do you need help with anything?" she asked.

Ryan shook his head and stepped out into the light of the hall. "I don't think so. She's comin' back here in the morning, so whatever she left will be fine." He looked at the stairs and stepped down toward the ground level. "Thanks for watching her," he said over his shoulder.

Marissa shook her head and wiped the sleep out of her eyes. "She's great," she said.

They walked toward the kitchen and he stopped by the garage door. "Um, so I was wondering," he spoke before he could tell himself not to. "Seth and I were supposed to go to this concert tomorrow night, but now he has to work," he stopped and watched her face build with anticipation. She wanted this, right? She wasn't going to shoot him down? _What the hell_, the voice whispered in his head. "Do you wanna get some dinner? Maybe catch a movie or something? Just you and me?"

Marissa felt like her heart had taken flight in her chest as she nodded, trying not to look like a dork. "I'd like that," she said.

Ryan smiled in return, felt like he couldn't do anything else. "Great. Um, I have to work until five, so how does six sound?"

Nodding, Marissa leaned against the counter. "Perfect," she answered. He turned the door handle and pushed it out when she muttered, "I can't wait."

Ryan stepped through the threshold and then turned back and offered her another foolish grin. "Me neither," he answered, pulling the door shut behind him.

Marissa rested against the counter. She had a date with Ryan Atwood – a real date. It was an excitement she hadn't felt since high school – since their last date. Maybe they wouldn't get married – maybe they wouldn't ever be a happy family or anything. But they were going to be something, that much she could feel.


	6. It Just Feels Right

By the time Ryan and Marissa exited the movie theater, it was nearly eleven and the Newport air was still thick with humidity, and a touch of electricity that shot through each of them whenever their shoulders touched. "Do you wanna go get pizza at the pier?" Ryan asked suddenly after walking toward the car in silence.

Marissa nodded, shuddering as his arm brushed hers. "That sounds good," she agreed.

He watched her shivering and quickly slid out of his light-weight jacket and draped it over her shoulders. The smile she gave him said that it had been the right thing to do. Everything about the night had seemed right, from the song on the radio when they got into his car, to the perfect crab cakes at dinner, to the way their fingers felt around each other during the movie. And now, switching directions and walking toward the pier felt right, too. Right in a way that Ryan couldn't explain.

"So, that was interesting," Marissa commented, for no other reason than to fill the silence. Not that it was awkward or uncomfortable, but Ryan's voice soothed her and she wanted to hear it as much as possible.

"You hated it," he stated, knowing that bloody action movies were not her thing.

But she shook her ponytail vigorously and stuffed her hands into the pocket of his coat. "No, I didn't. I mean, it didn't have singing or dancing cartoon animals, so," she let the sentence dangle and smiled at him weakly.

Ryan sucked in a breath. "Ah, yes. The joys of spending an entire day with a five-year-old," he nodded in understanding. "Did she drive you nuts?"

Jada had done nothing short of astound Marissa all day long, from the way she obeyed everything Summer asked her to do, to the way she had followed Marissa around and asked her a hundred questions about what she liked and why she wasn't going to be in anymore magazines. "No," she answered honestly. "She helped me keep Summer and her wedding planning at bay." Ryan laughed into the still air. "I swear to God, Ryan, she's neurotic about this whole thing – did you know that googling for wedding planners in Southern California will give you 105,000 hits?"

"I did not know that."

"Neither did I, until we did it today. And I think we looked at every damn site," she sighed and leaned closer to him without thinking. "I mean, Jada was fine. Summer? She could drive a girl to drink." As soon as she said the words, and saw the look on his face, she wished she could take them back. "It was a figure of speech," she whispered.

"I know," Ryan responded, twisting his fingers together as they continued to walk.

His uncomfortable silence made her insides crave a strong, dark drink. And just as she had been taught, she started to fill her mind with the consequences of fulfilling her urges. She wouldn't be able to stop, she would have to have more, she would start the cycle over again. She wouldn't ever have another date with Ryan. "I just want you to know that I'm gonna be okay," she reached out a hand to rest on his arm.

"I hope so," he sighed as they reached the pier and rested against the railing. Vivid images of the first time he had kissed her there filled his head. "I want to believe you, Marissa."

She bit her lip. "But you don't?"

He shrugged and turned away from her, watching the evening tides roll in and out again. "I don't know. I mean, my mom went to rehab, more than once. And Trey? My dad – he's in jail now. I mean, I don't exactly have a lot of faith in the whole concept, ya know?"

She didn't know what to say, so she shut her brain down and let her heart take over. Sliding a hand into his, she waited until he met her eyes. "I want you to have faith in me," she whispered, watching his eyes cloud with something indefinable. "I know it's not gonna happen right away – it can't, and it shouldn't. I mean, I should earn it, but I really want you to believe in me again, Ryan. More than anyone else."

Kissing her seemed like the only thought he could process, but something was holding him back. He couldn't – not yet. He didn't know what was going to happen. When she was more than two days out of treatment, and faced with something totally stressful, and feeling like the whole world was against her? When she got through that without a drink or a drug of some sort, when the only thing she needed to feel better was him, then he would kiss her. And then he would know that it was right.

There was a prolonged silence as they stood, shoulder to shoulder, hand in hand, watching the ocean and concentrating on the rhythm of each other's breathing. And it felt right. It felt like the perfect place for their relationship at the perfect moment. "I wanna give you a chance to prove it, Marissa," he finally spoke into the darkness.

Hesitation filled his voice, and she heard it clearly. "But?"

He turned and took her other hand, holding them both tightly against his chest. "But I have Jada to think about. And she gets really attached, really easily. She already lost her mom, and the only thing she wants is another one, who's gonna love her for more than a couple of years. I just can't do it to her again," he sighed and dropped her hands. "I don't know if I can do it again."

She had to understand. It wasn't like she had given him any reason to trust her in the last five years. She couldn't throw a fit or blame him for not wanting to be with her. But everything inside her body wanted to – her first instinct was to turn the finger to someone else, anyone but herself. "I can wait," she smiled, her hand against his heart. To feel it beating so rapidly under her palm gave her some shred of hope that maybe, just maybe, he was going to be willing to give it another try. That hope was the only thing keeping her from running all the way back to Seth and Summer's house.

When he spoke, the words were thoughtful and deliberate. "So, why don't we just keep doing what we're doing for now? See where that takes us?"

"Friends?" Marissa asked, a little bit of disappointment taking root.

"I was thinking more like dating? Nothing serious, no commitment, but regular dating – like we never did in high school," he gave her a crooked grin.

And she returned the gesture. "Dating is good," she agreed with a nod. For now it was good enough. For now, it felt right.


	7. On the Edge

_A/N: You guys are the best! Everyone who has given this story so many great reviews, thanks a million times. Plus one. To be honest, I don't like to sequelize a story unless I think there's something more I have to say, but I'm finding that I like this one even better than the first. And it's turning out to be longer than I intended. Probably at least two more chapters before I put this one to bed for good, so I hope you're still enjoying it. Keep the reviews coming - they're really good for my already-enormous ego! Just kidding - but I do love hearing from you._

As with any patient with any disease, Marissa was learning that addicts had good and bad days. And she was experiencing one of the latter. As she sat on the cold planks of the old lifeguard station by the beach, gripping an unopened bottle of vodka in one hand and a baggie of white powder in the other, she fought the tears building behind her eyes. _Just get through one more minute,_ she could hear her sponsor saying. _One more second, Marissa. You don't have to do it all at once, just work on the next minute. You can do that._

But she wasn't sure it was true anymore. Sure, things were great with Ryan and Jada, but every other relationship she had was falling to pieces, and she wasn't sure she even belonged in Newport anymore. Her mother sure didn't think so, that much she had made clear during the run-in at the coffee bar the previous morning.

"_Marissa?" Julie asked, her eyes doubling in size when they rested on her eldest child. "What are you doing here?"_

_Marissa rolled her shoulders and placed her order, bracing herself for whatever confrontation was to come. "I, um, I got back into town about a month ago," she answered softly._

_Julie's eyes floated to Marissa's side, where Jada was watching the action, her tiny hand gripping her baby-sitter's tightly. "Hi, Jada," Julie smiled. The little girl gave a small wave and then hid behind Marissa's skirt. "So you're back with Ryan?" The saccharine in Julie's voice was dripping, forced, and convincing to neither of the Cooper women. "Haven't you put that boy through enough pain, Marissa?"_

Marissa cast her gaze to the bottle in her hand and once again contemplated breaking the seal. The part she hated the most was that Julie hadn't been wrong. Ryan had no reason to give her a second chance, no reason to think that she could, or would, change. And her mother's words only made her feel guilty for the fact that he was trying. He wanted them to work, wanted to believe that they could have their happily-ever-after, no matter how many times he swore he didn't believe in fairy tales.

The movie-night she had shared with him and Jada had been less than stellar after her encounter with her mother. Try as she might, she couldn't seem to shake the funk that she was in, weighing the cost and benefits of dragging him through more of her shit. She was pretty sure that even Jada could tell there was a problem, though she kept her eyes on the screen and let her daddy fight it out with his friend.

"_You gonna tell me what's up?" Ryan asked, his arm around her as they reclined on the couch, Jada stretched out on her stomach before The Incredibles on the small television screen in Ryan's living room._

_She couldn't tell him. She couldn't admit that she was having any doubts about them. She was afraid that giving him an "out" would only make him take it, and she couldn't bear to watch him walk away. So she shook her head, leaned against his shoulder, and said nothing._

_He didn't push, he never did, but his demeanor changed at her silence. She wanted him to trust her, but found herself discouraged that, even after a month together, he didn't. She wasn't sure how much longer she could fight to earn it._

By the time she got home that night, her mind was cluttered with confusion and doubt that she thought she had finally disposed of for good. Did she belong in Newport? Did anyone really want her there? What if there was a place in the world that she was needed and this wasn't it? What if the damage she had caused to all of her friendships was irreversible?

The baggie in her right hand seemed to be tauntingher. _You belong with me_. She slammed her eyes shut, as if to silence the voices, but they wouldn't leave her alone. The voice of her agent, the message he had left while she was in the shower that morning, was repeating in her head.

"_Called the rehab center and they said you were released a month ago? What are you gonna do, Marissa? Hide in Newport forever? You belong on the runway, Baby. And I have reps from three major labels vying for you to anchor their spring lines in Milan. Versace, Dolce, and Chanel.Call me back soon, we'll get something put together. Trust me, when these ads hit, no one will even know you were ever gone."_

They all had their "things." Sure, they had each other, but they all had something to validate themselves outside of another person. Summer had her clothing lines, Seth his comic books, and Ryan had his blue prints. They belonged here, had made lives for themselves. She wasn't sure that she could. Maybe she did belong on the runway – it had been the only place she ever felt like she was in control, like she could manipulate a person's taste and opinion of a design just by dropping a shoulder at the right moment or rolling her hip the right way.

But when she had tried to confide in Summer, tell her she was thinking about going back to Italy, her best friend had exploded. Gripping her lighted drawing table for support, she glared at Marissa across the cluttered studio in her home, her eyes narrow and venomous.

"_I thought you wanted to get back to who you were," Summer accused._

"_I do, Sum," Marissa tried to defend. "But what am I gonna do if I stay in Newport? Modeling is the only thing I've ever been good at."  
_

"_Really? Because I think you're the master of running away when things get hard," Summer shot, a feeling of relief washing over her as she stopped worrying about the egg shells she had been walking on since Marissa's arrival. _

"_I'm not running away. I just thought that I could make up for five lost years, and I can't. You belong here – I'm not sure I do," Marissa said, sinking to the floor and drawing her knees up to her chest._

_But Summer was done feeling sorry for her. She stepped around the table and put a hand on her hip. Seth and Jada both knew it meant that she wasn't kidding anymore. She hoped Marissa would get the picture, too. "You know why I belong here? Because I've been here. Sowhat if you missed five years? You think another five is gonna magically change something, Marissa? You think that walking out that door is going to make it better?"_

"_It's just easier," she whispered, her voice strained and weak, her eyes avoiding her friend._

"_Yeah, it is. But it's also lonely and depressing, and fuckin' dangerous when it comes to you," Summer's voice only continued to raise. "You came back here to find the place where you wandered off the path. You go back, and you're gonna be more lost than you were before. Think, Marissa!"_

_She stood, wanting to be anywhere but there. "I just can't be what everyone wants me to be all the time. I can't pretend like it doesn't bother me," she stated._

"_So don't. Let it bother you, face it. Scream at it and then let it go. Look," she stopped and took a deep breath. "we all, against our better judgement, invited you back into our lives with open arms. And if you're just gonna spit in our faces and turn your back again?" Summer stopped and shrugged her shoulders, her head shaking sadly, "Don't stop to say good-bye. Just go."_

Marissa hadn't known what to do. She had run through the house, past a confused Jada on the couch, and out the front door. She hadn't stopped running until she got to the beach, to the old tower. Her favorite hide-out, her childhood security. She loved the lifeguard tower at night because it was secluded and no one thought to bother her there. But now it felt cold and alone. It felt empty, just like everything else in her life. Only one thought filled her with a shred of hope.

_But he doesn't trust you_. She looked at the baggie in her hand. _We never leave you, Marissa. We're always here when you need us_, the bottle seemed to be screaming. She reached for the cap and tightened her grip, hoping to silence the thoughts. One drink would make it all go away. It would make everything go away, all of the pain and the torment would dissipate. And no one would have to know. It would help her get through just one more minute, one more night. She could worry about everyone else tomorrow.


	8. Just Like Love

_A/N: I really hope you guys like this chapter. It may be my favorite thing that I have ever written._

Ryan climbed the ramp to the lifeguard station and watched Marissa's hardened gaze studying the roll of the waves. She had a death grip on the bottle in her hand, and he had watched her lower it to her side and then place it back in her lap at least ten times already. There were a million things he wanted to say to her, but he couldn't do it. He wanted to beg her to stop, but he knew that an addict only stopped when they were ready, when they felt like there was something worth saving in their lives. He couldn't force her to feel that way about him, about Jada, about Newport, about herself. He had to wait for her to come to the realization that she was worth it. He just hoped that she could.

Lowering himself to the floor beside her, he rested his arms against his up-drawn knees and waited. There were no words needed, nothing seemed appropriate. She didn't look at him when he turned his face, only continued to study the bottle in her lap. She might never speak, they might watch the sun come up in silence, but they would do it together. Ryan was determined that she would know she wasn't alone. What she chose to do with the knowledge was up to her.

Withdrawing a cigarette pack from his coat pocket, he offered it to her. He knew, from his mom and brother, that rehab upped ones cigarette intake by about a carton a week, so he was sure to keep a pack on hand for her at any given time. Trey had always said it took the edge off, at least a little bit.

She smoked two before words tumbled past her lips, her eyes drifting back to the ocean. "Do you know why vodka is my favorite?" He lit a cigarette of his own and rested his head against the building behind him. He didn't need to answer her. "Because it's the feels the most like love," she breathed, exhaling a steady stream of smoke.

She stood and walked to the railing, resting her elbows there as she explained to the sandy beach, more than to her companion. "It burns inside of you the first time, and it's not smooth like rum or champagne. But when it hits your stomach, it spreads this warmth that makes you tingle, smile, no matter where you are or what's going on. It makes you feel like maybe you're not alone." She closed her eyes against the lifting wind. "And then it turns in your stomach, and it brings this pain that can only be extinguished by mass amounts of vomiting while your best friend holds your hair back and promises you that you don't need it anyway, that you can have fun without it. Even though you know she'll be the first one to shove you back into the pool tomorrow night."

Ryan tilted his head and inspected his shoe. The bottle was full, he couldn't smell it anywhere. He was fairly sure that she hadn't taken anything, though his eyes rested on an eight ball she had seemingly forgot about, and he worried. But this wasn't cocaine – not this even-toned, slow-musing Marissa. This was her, pure and sober. And he wanted to hear more.

"When it takes you over, fills you up, it gives you this empowering sense of invincibility, like nothing can touch you. You're always safe. You can do anything, fly if you wanted to." She shook her head and let a cynical chuckle escape her lips. "And, at the same time, you know you're completely powerless, vulnerable, open. You know that you don't really have control of anything anymore, that you're a slave to it. It is everything you desire and despise all at the same time."

Her voice began to shake, and he watched her body language shift, crumple, as her shoulders sagged and her head drooped. "And it doesn't matter if it lifts you up to the sky or it slams you down into hell, you still want more. You can't get enough of it, because in those moments, when it's inside of you, you know you're alive. You're not just going through motions or playing some part – you feel real.

"And the best part is that you know it's never going to leave you – that when you need it, when you really don't have anything else to lean on in the whole fucking world, that bottle is gonna be right there." Ryan felt himself gasp as she turned and pierced him with her sapphire gaze. The look was paralyzing, determined and clear."It's just waiting for you to need it." She let the tears flood her face as she lifted the bottle in her hand and threw it against floor of the tower, watching it shatter.

Standing, Ryan moved toward her and wrapped his arms around her convulsing shoulders, rocking her back and forth as she cried, wailed, into the stillness of the night. "But it doesn't need you, Marissa," his voice cracked. From the moment he saw her, sitting alone, visibly fighting temptation, he had shut his mind down. His heart was going to have to work for him now, because it was the only part of him that he trusted. "I need you," he whispered into her neck.

When her sobs had melted into small sniffles, she pulled back, her arms locked around his neck. Surveying the soaking mess that his dress shirt had become, she placed her hand over the tears and bit her lip. "I thought I was strong enough," she hiccupped.

Ryan smiled and pulled her closer. "You didn't do anything wrong, Marissa. You wavered, that makes you human. But you didn't jump," he put a hand on her cheek and tilted her face until her eyes met his. "And that makes you pretty amazing, in my book. And I know addicts, right?"

She gave a slight laugh, which only forced another tear from her eyes. Wiping her nose, she looked up, feeling as though a wall had come crashing down between them. "I wanted to call you today, but I couldn't. I didn't want to interrupt you at work with all of my problems."

He rested his forehead against hers. "There is nothing in my day that can't be better with an interruption from you," he told her.

His eyes drifted to her lips, and without thought, he kissed her. It wasn't hungry or needy, but soft and assuring. Marissa opened her lips, took his tongue into her mouth, and let the warmth fill her stomach. She felt invincible and vulnerable. But she felt one emotion that all of the drugs in the world never gave her, happiness. Pure, innocent, unadulterated joy.

When he finally pulled away, there was a smirk on his lips that went all the way to his eyes. "Better than vodka?" he asked.

Marissa pulled his face close to hers and nodded. "It's real," she sighed against his lips.

And Ryan agreed. He understood her, better than she thought he did. Not just because he came from a family of addicts, but because he was one himself. Try as he might, he could never quite break away from the need, the hunger, the longing for Marissa Cooper.


	9. To Marry or Not to Marry

_A/N: I can't tell you how much I love getting your feedback. After fights with my co-workers and roommate this week,your great reactionsreally helped lift my spirits. So, I felt like you guys deserved a little bit of brevity after the last couple of chapters. And, unfortunately, this one didn't turn out quite as light-hearted as I planned, but I hope you like it anyway. The next chapter is the last, and I promise you some smiles. I mean, if you've read this whole story, I think you've earned them. Please keep the reviews coming - I love them._

Loving a child was the purest and most wonderful thing that Ryan had ever experienced. And yet, sometimes he was tired of being Dad. He loved listening to Jada sing along with The Lion King in the bathtub, but there was something inside of him that still longed for adults singing about love and loss. And he would never tire of watching her drink cherry Kool-Aid from a crazy straw while he read her stories by Dr. Seuss, but part of him still wanted to be around a bunch of twenty-somethings, drinking foreign beer and discussing over-rated, pretentious literature. He wanted a Guys' Night Out.

Between his dating Marissa and Seth helping Summer with the wedding, their time alone had started to take a backseat, and he was finding that he missed it. So when Seth showed up at his office Friday afternoon, he found himself smiling more than he probably should have. "What's up, man?" he asked, shuffling a few folders out of the way while Seth dawdled in the doorway.

"This place freaks me out," Seth cringed, looking around the office with an expression of contempt.

"Seth, your office is, like, three times this size," Ryan argued.

But his friend shook his head. "Yeah, but people in my office wear jeans, draw pictures for a living, and have water fights in the hallways. Your people," he looked into the hall and then turned back to his friend, "they wear ties and carry briefcases and gather around a water cooler."

Ryan smiled and stood, fishing his car keys out of the desk drawer. "You wanna go get some crab cakes?" he asked.

Seth nodded and followed him to the parking lot. Conversation was light and simple on the drive to the restaurant, but once they were seated, Ryan noticed the uncomfortable look on his friends. "What is wrong with you?"

With a nervous look, Seth drank from his water glass and let out a sigh. "I'm going out of my mind, Ryan," he stated. "Last night, Summer wouldn't let me sleep until I picked out my favorite napkin rings. Napkin rings, Ryan. I spent twenty minutes listening to the benefits of pewter versus brushed nickel. Do you know what the differences is?" Ryan shook his head. "Neither do I. Because I don't fuckin' care. I'm going insane."

Ryan laughed and accepted the beer bottle from the waitress. "I guess it's a good thing you didn't have far to go, huh?"

With a withering laugh, Seth leaned back in his chair. "I'm going to remember your compassion when you're suffering through the same hellish fate, my friend. And you will get no sympathy from me," he promised.

"What can I get you guys?" the waitress asked, her eyes growing wide as they rested on her customers. "Ryan?"

He looked up and a slow smile spread over his face. "Hey, Beth. How are you?"

Beth was a girl he had dated briefly the previous year, more out of boredom than any real attraction. He had always assumed that she kind of liked his daughter more than him.

"I'm really great," she nodded. "How's Jada?"

"She's good. She's gonna be starting kindergarten in the fall," he smiled proudly.

"Kindergarten?" Beth asked in surprise. "Time sure does fly by, right?" There was a long, awkward silence. "So, what about lunch? Can I get you guys something?"

They ordered and Seth narrowed his gaze at his friend when she left. "So, you're smiling. Any old feelings creeping back in?" Ryan shook his head. "Really? Wow," he sounded impressed. "Things must be pretty serious with you and Marissa, huh?"

"Um, yeah, I think so," he said, reaching for a potato chip from the complimentary bowl in the middle of the table. "I mean, I was trying to take it slow," he started.

Seth shook his head and took a drink of the beer at his side. "Dude, it's been almost two months since she got back into town. That's, like, a snail's pace in your book, isn't it?"

Ryan smiled. It was true. In the old days, back in high school, they had always raced forward, skipping most of the natural "relationship" steps in an attempt to arrive at a location neither of them would recognize once they got there. Now they were taking their time, enjoying the road, never addressing the destination. They focused on building a family, the foundation of a life they could share eventually, should it come to that.

"So, we gonna hang out tonight or what?" Ryan asked as their food arrived.

Seth shook his head. "I can't. I have to go with Summer to scout locations for the wedding," he grunted, digging into his first crab cake. "Trust me, though, I would much rather catch a movie with you."

"Maybe it's a bad sign when you'd rather hang with your best friend than your fiancée," Ryan suggested.

"It's not that. I love Summer more than anything, you know that. It's just that we have shared a house for almost a year, man. We're already half-married. So I ask you, my friend, why the hell do we have to spend an," his eyes bulged, "ungodly amount of cash on one day that is not going to change anything between us."

There was something uneasy about Seth's mannerisms, about the way his words hung heavy with a confused sadness. "Dude," Ryan sighed, tossing his napkin onto the table. "Why would you even ask her to marry you if you don't want to go through with this thing."

"It's not that I don't want to marry her," Seth's voice climbed at the accusation and he slumped back in his seat. "Dude, I have wanted to marry Summer Roberts since we were ten. But not because I want to see her in a dress walking down some aisle, man. I just wanna be with her. I just want some Rabbi to tell us that God's cool with us being together, and we'll get on with our lives."

Ryan sighed and bit into another one of the fried crab cakes on his plate. He understood what Seth was saying. It was all the same things he and Marissa had discussed a week ago when talking about their theoretic wedding. They had agreed that an intimate affair on the beach would be best, sometime in the fall, so as not to steal any of Seth and Summer's thunder. Neither of them had a lot of friends and family, so as long as the Cohens, her dad, and Jada were there, they would be thrilled. Of course, they weren't getting too serious too fast or anything.


	10. Happily Ever After

_A/N: So this is the end of Nowhere to Go, and I have to say a giganimous "thanks" to everyone who read it and reviewed. I promised a fluffy ending, and I don't think I write anymore fluffier than this. Hope you enjoy!_

Ryan sipped his morning coffee, his tie loosed around his neck as he read his paper. Jada was eating cereal on the couch and watching cartoons when Marissa breezed into the kitchen, decked out in a tailored business suit. She was wrestling with an earring and barely managed to drop a kiss on Ryan's coffee-flavored lips on her way to the refrigerator. "So, you know how we were supposed to have lunch today?" she asked, turning her best puppy dog eyes toward him.

Grinning, he sat his cup down on the table and folded the paper. "Yeah?"

"I just got a call from the office and I'm gonna have to be in a meeting at one with some advertisers. I don't think I'm gonna have time," she trailed off and leaned against the counter, sipping from a yogurt smoothie. "I'm really sorry, Sweetie."

He was proud of her for securing a position at Newport Living. And he was more than glad that her "bad days" were growing fewer and further between. He just wished that their schedules allowed for a little more time together. "Maybe we can do it when I get back from Boston?" He stood and dumped the remainder of his beverage down the drain, stopping beside her to wrap his arms around her waist.

Marissa buried her hands in his hair. "Definitely," she grinned, welcoming his kiss. "What time does your flight leave tomorrow?"

Moaning as she kissed him again, Ryan finally pulled back and rested his forehead against hers. "Eleven fifteen," he said. She cringed. "Seth said he could take me to the airport if you can't get away," he assured.

But Marissa shook her head. "I just have the sonogram at nine thirty."

Ryan bolted upright in bed, sweat drops running down his face and chest. He gasped and looked to his side, to Marissa squinting up at him through sleepy eyes. "What's wrong?" she asked.

He looked around, fighting against the surreal feeling in his mind. It had felt so real. "Are you pregnant?"

She laughed and struggled against the covers, leaning against the headboard of Ryan's bed. "What?"

This time, it was Ryan who laughed and shook his head. "Nothing. I'm sorry. Weird dream, I guess," he smiled and kissed her before looking to the clock. "Do I have time to go back to sleep?" he asked, laying down and pulling her against his chest.

She shook her head and rested on his shoulder. "The alarm's goin' off in ten minutes," she groaned in response.

They had been out far too long the night before, celebrating after the rehearsal dinner with Seth and Summer until the wee hours of the morning. And now that it was time to face the day, Ryan was far from ready. "I think we should skip it," he whispered, letting his eyes drift shut again.

"Right," Marissa agreed. She wiggled away from him and sat up fully. "Because I'm sure that Summer wouldn't have a coronary when her maid of honor didn't show up," she laughed, wrapping the sheet around her as she searched the floor for something else to cover her form.

Ryan ran a finger down her bare arm and tried to push out the thoughts that were creeping in. He couldn't keep them from tumbling past his lips, though. "There's gonna be an open bar," he said.

She found his tee shirt and threw it over her head, tossing a pair of shorts at him. "Then I think you have to be there to make sure I don't give in to the temptation," she winked, moving toward the door. "Get up and get a shower. I'll get Jada and start breakfast." And she was gone.

By the time Ryan got out of the shower, Jada was eating at the table and Marissa was standing by the counter, nibbling on toast and looking at the latest issue of Newport Living, her first as Fashion Editor. She was proud of herself for getting it all together, for finding herself again. Her life was good. Really good – and she wasn't about to give it up for anything.

"Hey, Munchkin," Ryan greeted, kissing his daughter who giggled over the pancakes in her mouth.

"Morning, Daddy," she mumbled and then laughed at the sound of her own voice.

"Jada," Marissa slammed her magazine shut, "why don't you go get dressed, Sweetie? We gotta be at the spa in a little bit." Jada jumped up from the table and ran toward her bedroom.

Ryan sank to the table and his girlfriend put a full plate of bacon and eggs, waffles and sausage links before him. "So, I thought that maybe," he started, watching her back as she washed Jada's dishes, "after the wedding, we could drive up to that house I was telling you about? If you're still in the market for something permanent?"

She moved to the table and sat opposite him. "That sounds great," she smiled, reaching out to wind her fingers through his free hand. They sat in silence, just staring at each other for a while. It was nice, the comfortable silences in the early morning hours when she decided to stay over. "I just wanna find something that feels like home, something we can all be happy with," she grinned slyly. "Until you build me my dream house, of course."

Ryan shrugged. "Well, Jada would be happy with a hole in the ground as long as you were around to put make-up on her and let her dress up in your clothes." She gave him another one of her smiles. "And me?" She turned her head in rapt interest. "I'm just glad you're around, Marissa. I don't care where you live, as long as it's close by."

"But I don't wanna buy a house and then live in it alone," she stated, as though it were the silliest thing she had ever heard. Ryan's face twisted, as though he didn't know if it was such a great idea. "Ryan, I love you. And Jada. I want us to be a family." She tightened her grip on his hand. "Besides, if we do get married in October, it's really stupid for you to sign a new lease next month."

He grinned. "You really thought this out, huh?" She nodded. "So we really gonna do this?" She brought his hand to her lips and looked at him through heavily lidded eyes. "Because if we buy a house together, it's the same thing as a ring to that little girl in there," he nodded toward Jada's room.

"I know," she bit her lip and turned for the bedroom, but turned before leaving. "Kinda feels that way to this girl, too."

He finished his breakfast, but barely tasted it. It might have been Seth and Summer's wedding day, but he really felt like it was the first day of the rest of his life.


End file.
